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The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself :: 0449906442
Description
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| If you feel unfairly criticized, controlled by others, or are afraid of being lonely, you could be suffering from emotional abuse. Now there is help in this compassionate sourcebook. Bevery Engel, a marriage, family, and child therapist, guides you through a step-by-step recovery process to help you heal the damage done in the past. Editorial Descriptions are usually submitted by the manufacturers, publishers and authors. Contact us if you are one of them, and wish to change the above description. |
Reviews
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Author: Guest
I disagree with the reviewer who stated:
"The author suggests that emotionally abused women are a certain type, as if they set themselves up for the abuse and/or are drawn to it. If you believe that rape victims are somewhat responsible when violated because of the way they dressed or behaved, then you may be able to get past the first few pages of this book, otherwise, this book is not for you.
Emotional abuse can and does happen to women who experienced no form of abuse whatsoever in their childhood. These women can be intelligent, attractive, and self-assured. Often the abuse is so undetected, a form of brainwashing, that who they are actually changes over time so that those qualities are not as prevalent. The woman is not at fault for the abuse, despite her own interpersonal weaknesses, she is not the cause."
The reason why I disagree with the commentary above is because this book is for those who have a PATTERN of ending up in abusive relationships. End up in one abusive relationship, shame on that person. End up in a series of abusive relationships and one really could benefit from exploring why she is so drawn to the same type of individual (abuser!) repeatedly.
If you feel compelled to compare emotional abuse to rape then one could ask, "If you walked down a particular alley and were raped, certainly that would not be your fault. But would you keep walking down that same alley time and again, knowing that a rapist was awaiting you at the other end?" The fact is that most abusive partners exhibit what are called 'red flag warnings' early enough into the union so that a woman who is astute to these, and who knows how to set firm boundaries, can oftentimes spare herself the grief of being abused yet again. At the least, she can extricate herself from the relationship ASAP once she recognizes that she is being abused.
Therefore, the pervasive message of this book is NOT that women are to blame for being abused, but that with awareness they have a CHOICE as to whether or not to go down that same alley again. They can decide who they get involved with/remain involved with and why. This is an empowering message; a lot more so than telling women, "You are completely powerless when it comes to your relationships. No matter what you think, choose, say, or do if you are going to be a victim of abuse, you are going to be a victim of abuse. Accept it." Yikes!
There are different stages of recovery for targets of emotional abuse. One of the earlier stages often enough being to `blame' others for their own issues, choices, and the predicaments they find themselves in once they realize they are being abused and are, understandably, quite angry and defensive about this. Whereas, the conclusive stage of recovery is one of self-responsibility; whereupon the now former target of emotional abuse takes back her power by taking responsibility for her own issues, choices, and the predicaments she finds herself in from hereon in. This book, and an exceptional one at that, is for those who are ready to be more responsible and break the pattern of emotionally abusive relationships in their lives!
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Author: Guest
I believe this is a good book to teach someone how to respond
to negative comments or innuendos without being hurt by others words.
That doesn't mean shutting off conversation but rather being able to state your own ideas without feeling put down.
It is about the patterns we develop that Allows others words to hurt us. This is about Not allowing and reclaiming our own worth.
There are some good ideas to be had here that aren't
confrontational but rather empowering to one's self esteem.
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Author: Guest
This is a good book if you feel that you are attracting an abusive relationships over and over again. It will help you to realize what emotional abuse is, however I do not feel that EVERY person that experiences abuse also had childhood abuse.
The book does have many excellent points, and if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, the first step is to admit this to yourself, and realize how to get out of it, to save your sanity because you CANNOT CHANGE another person!
I feel that this book would make a fantastic companion to another book that also had a life altering impact on my life called Stop Being the String Along by Barbara Rose. Both this book and the other bring eye opening awareness, and really are must reads.
The most important thing is reclaiming your Self, and sense of self that abuse often chips away at, sometimes without even realizing it's happening!
Get both books! They will help a lot!
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Author: Guest
I was so appalled by the first sentences in this book that I would never buy it. This book may be excellent for some woman but should not be titled The Emotionally Abused Woman. Perhaps the Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself is accurate, and these women may have been emotionally abused.
The author suggests that emotionally abused women are a certain type, as if they set themselves up for the abuse and/or are drawn to it. If you believe that rape victims are somewhat responsible when violated because of the way they dressed or behaved, then you may be able to get past the first few pages of this book, otherwise, this book is not for you.
Emotional abuse can and does happen to women who experienced no form of abuse whatsoever in their childhood. These women can be intelligent, attractive, and self-assured. Often the abuse is so undetected, a form of brainwashing, that who they are actually changes over time so that those qualities are not as prevalent. The woman is not at fault for the abuse, despite her own interpersonal weaknesses, she is not the cause.
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Author: Guest
I had just gone through an agonizing break-up with my fiancée when my therapist recommended this book. She had sensed a pattern of abuse in my descriptions of the relationship, starting with possessiveness, coupled with control and emotional berating, and eventually turning toward physical violence. I was in such a state of guilt and shame that I was still blaming myself for my ex-'s behavior. Within the first two chapters of this book, I read accounts of abuse and recognized common tactics of abusers that my ex- had demonstrated to a T. I also learned to spot the ways in which I enabled him to treat me that way, and what steps I needed to take to ensure I would never fall into that trap again. Most importantly, this book allowed me to put the responsibility of the abuse squarely where it belonged and convince myself I deserved better. I only wish I had had this information and inspiration at the first signs of abuse, so I could have recognized it for what it was and gotten out with my confidence wholly in tact. I wish fellow readers in similar situations the courage to do just that.
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