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The Happiest Toddler on the Block : The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure andWell-Behaved One- to Four-Year-Old :: 0553381431
Description
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Toddlers can drive you bonkers…so adorable and fun one minute…so stubborn and demanding the next! Yet, as unbelievable as it sounds, there is a way to turn the daily stream of “nos” and “don’ts” into “yeses” and hugs…if you know how to speak your toddler’s language. In one of the most useful advances in parenting techniques of the past twenty-five years, Dr. Karp reveals that toddlers, with their immature brains and stormy outbursts, should be thought of not as pint-size people but as pintsize…cavemen.
Having noticed that the usual techniques often failed to calm crying toddlers, Dr. Karp
discovered that the key to effective communication was to speak to them in their own primitive language. When he did, suddenly he was able to soothe their outbursts almost every time! This amazing success led him to the realization that children between the ages of one and four go through four stages of “evolutionary” growth, each linked to the development of the brain, and each echoing a step in prehistoric humankind’s journey to civilization:
• The “Charming Chimp-Child” (12 to 18 months): Wobbles around on two legs, grabs everything in reach, plays a nonstop game of “monkey see monkey do.”
• The “Knee-High Neanderthal” (18 to 24 months): Strong-willed, fun-loving, messy, with a vocabulary of about thirty words, the favorites being “no” and “mine.”
• The “Clever Caveman” (24 to 36 months):
Just beginning to learn how to share, make friends, take turns, and use the potty.
• The “Versatile Villager” (36 to 48 months): Loves to tell stories, sing songs and dance, while trying hard to behave.
To speak to these children, Dr. Karp has developed two extraordinarily effective techniques:
1) The “fast food” rule — restating what your child has said to make sure you got it right;
2) The four-step rule — using gesture, repetition, simplicity, and tone to help your
irate Stone-Ager be happy again.
Once you’ve mastered “toddler-ese,” you will be ready to apply behavioral techniques specific to each stage of your child’s development, such as teaching patience and calm, doing time-outs (and time-ins), praise through “gossiping,” and many other strategies. Then all the major challenges of the toddler years — including separation anxiety, sibling rivalry, toilet training, night fears, sleep problems, picky eating, biting and hitting, medicine taking — can be handled in a way that will make your toddler feel understood. The result: fewer tantrums, less yelling, and, best of all, more happy, loving time for you and your child.
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Reviews
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Author: Guest
This book simply didn't work for us. Many times my 2 year old son would throw a tantrum because he didn't know what he wanted. Example: "I want juice Mama" I give him the juice. He falls out on the floor crying. "I don't want juice anymore." I take juice and put it on the table. "I want juice Mama." AAAAHHHH! I couldn't "caveman talk" because neither my child nor myself knew what he wanted. The other parts of the book were to shallow. I really liked John Rosemond's making the terrible twos terrific.
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Author: Guest
Dr Karps book is excelent. As a parent who does practice attachment parrenting I found this book a life saver. I felt that I really did not have trouble with tantrums but after reading the book found that I often avoided tantrums by not setting boundaries. After reading the book I was not afraid of a trantum because I knew I could calm my child down fast.
The book really gives the parent and child power, it gets you off on the right foot by opening the lines of communication needed when your child is older. when you use the active listening techniques described in the book your child with feel that s/he has something important to say and will be listened to.
You do not imitate your childs tatrums but show them that you understand and speak in short simple phrases. Once your child is used to the technique you do not need to be embarassed to use it because often just the look on your face with some quiet words will bring your child around. Not to mention you will definately look better than the mom carting a screaming child around the store or screaming back at them, even if you go all out with his technique. This book is definately worth the read.
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Author: Guest
I wasn't sure about the concept of this book, but it really does work! Now I just need my husband to read it, and we'll be home free.
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Author: Guest
It was obvious that Dr Karp would antagonize *a few* people by his reference to evolution :) Ha, that was a bad marketing move, but I do totally agree with him. I do think that our little ones are either like little cavemen or like little mammals (oh my god, I'm likening children to animals... another no-no :p)
One of the things that are really frustrating to my son is that I don't understand what he wants to tell me. The toddlerese fits perfectly well in those cases. Yes our role as educators is to model good behaviour, but if they think we don't even understand them we're not going to model much. So I think this recommendation is totally relevant and his way of explaining it is very appropriate. Obviously we cannot do that in aisle 6 of Kmart, I am not that dedicated a mother that I can take the ridicule of it (even though really, I shouldn't care). But it is definitely helpful at home when after a long day my son is getting very frustrated and I don't get what he wants.
And nope, I don't think this is for parents who practice attachment parenting. I personally don't see how attachment parenting all the way can work with toddlers who are throwing tantrums and starting to slap you. You can't solve everything by just loving your children, there is a point when you do have to do some disciplining otherwise your children will have issues when they go to school and start experimenting what it means to live in society and they're not the most important thing in the world anymore. I am against corporal punishment, but there are things that can be done in matters of discipline that don't hurt a child's spirit... :D
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Author: Guest
I thought raising your toddler meant modeling desired adult behavior. This book teaches you to model toddler behavior by whining back with your child. I wonder at what point you are supposed to stop whining with your toddler when he or she does? 1st grade, 2nd or maybe highschool? Get real..
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