|
 The Wonder of Boys :: 1585425281
Description
| Product Description |
|
| In the thoughtful and provocative The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Mentors, and Educators Can Do to Shape Boys into Exceptional Men, therapist and educator Michael Gurian takes a close look at modern boyhood. Gurian asserts that the biological and neurological differences between boys and girls need to be accounted for and nourished in order to raise healthy, happy boys. In discussing boy culture--and the roles of competition, aggression, and physical risk taking--the author concludes, "It's not boy culture that's inherently flawed; it's the way we manage it." If the natural, testosterone-based impulses of boys are squelched or ignored, Gurian posits, such biological truths may find their way to the surface in other, more negative behaviors. He suggests that boys do best when they are part of a "tribe," three families that include: a birth or adoptive family; an extended family of friends, teachers, peers, and mentors; and the "family" of outside culture, media, religious institutions, and community figures. The Wonder of Boys offers advice on how to understand and build strong father/son and mother/son relationships, stresses the importance of healthy discipline, and suggests methods of teaching boys about sex, relationships, and spirituality. Parents and teachers of boys will find this book to be an insightful read. --Ericka Lutz Editorial Descriptions are usually submitted by the manufacturers, publishers and authors. Contact us if you are one of them, and wish to change the above description. |
Reviews
Customer feedback
|
|
Voting |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Guest
I'm shocked this book has gotten such bad reviews here. I've read it twice in my son's first year! I will probably read it again in a few years. I wish everyone who cares for or teaches boys would read this book. He tells about the differences between the male brain and the female brain. He stresses the importance of teaching boys spituality (not religion, just spirituality) and responsibility. There is a section in the book about how to talk to boys about sex and why it is so important. As a mother, I find this book to be very important and I've marked sections for my husband to read. Let's be realistic about the differences between boys and girls. While there are always exceptions, boys and girls do tend to be different in certain ways and this book is about how to raise and discipline a boy.
|
Author: Guest
Yes, it is true that social and medical science have established a physiological basis of greater aggression among boys: namely testosterone, which should surprise no one.
However, I feel Gurian's work puts too much emphasis on this fact. Despite biology, there is more variation among boys, compared to variation between boys and girls. (Which is not to say he is unaware of this. It's a matter of emphasis.)
Some boys are not aggressive. These boys don't need to be taught how to get in touch with their feelings, or how to have an inner life--they already are, and do. What they need is for their individual forms of maleness to be affirmed and reinforced.
Such a boy--although his experience is far from rare--is constantly reminded, "You are different." All the well-intentioned affirmations, seen on posters on the walls of school counseling centers ("It's OK to be different!") will not alter his perceptive conclusion: different = bad.
He knows he is a boy, but not "one of the boys". He faces intense social pressure to conform to gender roles (transgressions from which are punished harshly, by parents and peers). The boy feels worthless, and begins a search for identity: a daily burden which never ends.
Trying to live up to how boys are supposed to act--and finding he cannot--he sees himself as an imposter. The disconnect between the role and the self: it damages not only his sense of worth, but also his integrity. Often he reacts by withdrawing into a private world, at a time in life (late chilldhood; adolecence) when socialization remains important. His lifelong potential is damaged.
I am not speaking exclusively of boys who--regardless of their future identity in terms of sexual orientation--have significant gay desires. As we ought to know by now, there are homosexual boys who are masculine; there are also heterosexual boys who are feminine, or who simply find that following the "boy code" doesn't come naturally. For them, it is a pose they must constantly adopt, for the sake of survival (socially and literally).
Most of us know the disturbing fact that suicide is among the most common causes of death of boys and young men, and that gay youth are disproportionately susceptible. However, if we were to look closer--if we looked not only at the percentage of suicidal boys who identify as gay, but also the percentage who have doubts their masculinity, regardless of sexual orientation--I fear the figure would be much higher.
Our broadening awareness of gender roles, ironically, creates more anxiety. We are less likely to regard young people's homosexual desires or experiences as "merely a phase". This is helpful to gay youth who are coming out. However, it leaves isolated those boys who are, in fact, merely experimenting. (Or who would like to, if they felt it were possible.) Most boys are neither a zero nor a six on the Kinsey scale, but there is the unspoken expectation that everyone must choose a side.
We as a society are, also, "going through a phase". We congratulate ourselves for our open-minded proclamation: boys and men no longer need to conform to strict gender roles. The truth is, we don't merely allow males to change. We demand that they do.
Some boys succeed: they transcend the masculine stereotype. Then we ostracize them.
Evidently, what we demand is not what we want. We have not progressed that far.
This double-bind limits all boys, even those who are most (seemingly) masculine.
What we need is a broader definition of masculinity. And we need to approach these issues with the understanding that every boy is unique.
|
Author: Guest
Gurian has done an astoundingly thorough job in addressing the issues many of us face in raising boys today. I have read other books about raising boys, including other books by Gurian (also good), but this one by far is the most comprehensive, thoughtfully put together book I've ever read. I think that anyone who is thoughtful about raising sons and committed to doing the best job possible should take a good look at this book and give serious consideration to his ideas.
Gurian admits in this book that he does not have all the answers and is constantly working to refine his suggestions. I love what he has done and how he has done it, by actually talking with many families and kids around the world, and using this information, along with neuroscience, and his rich cultural background and education to formulate these suggestions.
The book is based on the unique testosterone driven neurological needs if males. It explains this in detail and how to best support a boy's development and channel a boy's natural aggression into a positive and constructive way of life through out the different stages of development. If you do not believe in the idea of "testosterone driven neurological needs" of boys, then this book may not be for you. But there have been many studies done that have shown the differences in male and female brains and much experiential evidence that there are differences. Any teacher and parent I have asked who has both sons and daughters attests to these differences. Again, if you are a parent of boys and committed to doing the best job you can, this book deserves a sincere look, and these ideas, serious consideration.
I do see this book as a passionate advocate for boys and maleness, but NOT as male over female promoting. Near the beginning of the book, it strives to dispell the common impression that girls are the ones in crisis by comparing staticstics about girls to those of boys. But the intent I got from it is the presentation of a reality check about the state of our boys, and a plea for change because of the crisis we have on our hands of delinquent boys. But, if I could change one thing about the book, it would be how this plea is presented - fewer comparisons to girls. I think the statistics for boys are revealing enough on their own.
Yes, it does point out how mothers, society, and even fathers and other males can and do unwittingly harm boys' development, but I did not take offense to this because I see this book as a very practical, caring, and passionate guide to raising boys. If read in its entirety, readers would see that Gurian SUPPORTS mothers, holds them in the highest esteem, and sincerely calls for increased respect and support for mothers from family and society.
Some reviewers have pointed out that he does little to promote the intact family. He does mention this to be the ideal case in most circumstances. But he is also saying that in the absence of this ideal situation, or in the absence of extended family being available, here is how to try to mitigate some of the inherent risks associated with those scenarios. Even if the ideal situation does exist, here are the components that should be present to help you raise your son.
I am a single mom of fraternal twin boys about to turn fourteen. For us, most of what Mr. Gurian is saying in this book rings very true so far. My sons have naturally gravitated toward the activities (i.e., constantly challenging themselves, striving to improve skills), a rich family life, (i.e., Gurian's second and third families, the "tribe"), and many male mentors suggested by Gurian. Currently, they are very, very successful despite the fact that I am a struggling single mom. They have many accomplishments, are well rounded, have great discipline, and have a very bright future ahead of them. This book has helped me navigate some territories unknown to me in raising my sons, and has validated other guiding methods I've used before reading the book. It has helped me correct some of my mistakes, think through some tough choices, and I will continue to refer to it. I think it's one of the best books, if not THE best book out there on raising boys!
|
Author: Guest
Many people who grew up or lived through the 70's gender identity crisis here in the US have adopted certain kinds of stories about the relationship between men and women. Women are the victims of male oppression. Women need to be protected from men. Often cited in support of this view are studies that show girls don't get called on as often as their male classmates, women are discriminated against in the workplace and suffer from unfair expectations about the division of labor at home.
While it is true that we can improve the lot of women in society, Gurian makes the argument that we should avoid thinking that because society has been unkind to women, it must be nice to men who are the villians of society. Society isn't very kind to boys either:
Boys, not girls, are more likely to be victims of violent crime in school; on average, girls today have higher educational aspirations than their male classmates, as many boys aspire to manual labor jobs like carpentry or plumbing; girls, not boys have better self-esteem through most of their school years; girls, not boys tend to get better grades overall; in total, there are more women in graduate programs in the US than men. Even today, when we send citizens to fight in wars, those armed forces are predominantly male. Lastly, societal expectations and norms both at home and at work prevent many men in the US from enjoying fully who they are as humans... rewarding them for being the "strong silent types" who deny their emotions and are not allowed to develop fully their social skills in a way that expresses their unique qualities as men. Society isn't treating most men very well either.
Gurian's book makes the case that the path to a healthier society involves improving conditions for boys as well.
For both men *and women* who are interested in improving gender relations in their community or even just understanding the male half of the population, this book is a well-written, thought-provoking read.
|
Author: Guest
I'm currently reading this book for the second time since my son was born, and when I'm done I would like my husband to read it. Gurian recognizes the biological differences in the brains of males and females. He writes about how to discipline a boy effectively by taking these differences into consideration. His theory is that boys have different needs from each parent, and that boy children often need different methods of discipline than girl children because their minds work differently. I don't agree with every single thing he says, but most of it makes perfect sense.
I think this is a very important book and should be read by anyone raising a boy or teaching boys.
|
Send to Friend
Send to friend
|
|
